Karen from HR vs Payroll: The Wellness Showdown

Karen scheduled a mandatory team yoga session.
At 8:30 AM.
On payroll cut-off day.
Location: the break room.
Mood: hostile.

She said it would “help us stretch out our tension.”
We said we were already stretched.
To capacity.
She handed out mats anyway.

Bob from Facilities actually showed up.
He brought snacks.
No one asked him to.

Halfway through “downward dog,” my phone buzzed.
It was a pay file error.
I left the mat.
Karen said I wasn’t “fully present.”
I said the payroll system wasn’t fully posting.

She ended the session by handing out gratitude journals.
I used mine to write down every system crash since 2021.

Winner: unclear.
But I pulled a hamstring and Karen’s playlist included whale sounds.